Gute Nacht Kendra

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I was deeply saddened to hear today that the Kaiserin of Neualtenberg Kendra Bancroft, aka Maddie Blaustein has passed away at only 48. I have many fond memories of just how exasperated I became with her during the complex and multifaceted role play that became known as the Caledon/Neualtenberg War. She was great fun to play with (though I often cursed her liberally at the time), and she was utterly and passionately devoted to her role and her “nation”. I was quite sure that eventually either she or Hotspur would have to be taken out of one of our planning sessions in a Gladstone Bag. For all that, she was a good sport about being imprisoned and threatened with never consummated ravishment.

Many people will also know her from her work providing the voices in translated anime, most notably in Pokemon as the cohort of the villainous Team Rocket (always my favorite characters), Meowth. I also knew her voice well as the evil inventor Dr. K from the little known but interesting show Cubix. In real life as well as Second Life, she shall be missed. In memory, after the jump I repost some images and favorite photos from her brief enforced stay with me during the Caledon/Neualtenberg War and the narrative of her brave escape

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Once again House of Three Graces chambermaid and BardHaven “Girl Friday” Clarissa Gable has smuggled out information essential to understanding the current “situation” vis-a-vis the Caledon/Neutwhatever War.

In this incredible and harrowing minute-by-minute narrative, she brings us behind-the-scenes knowledge of Kaiserin Kendra Bancroft’s daring escape from her secret cell somewhere in the Barony of BardHaven. The brave Miss Gable asks only the good wishes of a grateful nation in return for her heroism.

1:05 PM – The Baron and the Baroness were in the cell with their plaything prisoner. The prisoner was strapped into the “Examination Chair” while the Baron threatened her with a flogger. She just kept shaking her head and saying that she had no respect for anyone who overuses Xcite products. The Baron was constantly looking at his watch which seemed to annoy the prisoner, since every time he did so, she whined louder and told him he would never dare flog her.

1:15 PM – The Baron was now looking even more often at his watch and muttering to himself “I will KILL them if those Sauerbrauten’s have messed this up. I clearly wrote take a LEFT at IBM. How can they miss the big silly top hat? Monopoly I said..MONOPOLY.” The prisoner just kept shaking her head saying “No No No No No” even though no one was bothering to threaten her anymore. She seemed to be in a bit of a rut. She just kept saying NO while looking at the flogger in a wistful yet horrified manner.

1:35 PM – Distant explosions were heard. The Baron cursed in relief and put his watch away before turning to face the prisoner again. The prisoner seemed to perk up a bit when he raised the flogger, but then sighed as he dropped it on the floor. The Baron slapped his hands to either side of his face, looking like an incredibly handsome and well dressed Macauley Culkin and said “OH NO. Do you HEAR that, Kirawill? They are BOMBING Victoria City. I feel so DISTRACTED. I must RUN there at ONCE for no apparent reason!!!” He then proceeded out of the cell, walking unusually quickly. When he noticed the Baroness had dozed off leaning against the rack, he turned back and said “KIRAWILL! Don’t you have SOMETHING to Do, which will take you FAR AWAY from BARDHAVEN??!!!” The Baroness startled to her feet at that, and did the same hands on her face gesture the Baron had and said “OH…ummm…YES. I MUST GO…ummm…SHAVE MY BLOOMER LINE…ummm…in TANGLEWOOD.” She then followed her husband out and the prisoner muttered “Anglisch Harlot….” still staring at the fallen flogger. For some reason, the Baron and Baroness left the Cell door open.

1:45 PM – The prisoner was still sitting there, staring at the flogger, humming old Falco hits to herself.

1:55 PM – The Baron shouted from downstairs, sounding impatient…“LETS GO NOW, DARLING!!! I DON’T CARE IF WE CLOSED THE CELL OR NOT…AS…SHE…DOES… NOT…HAVE…THE…KEY… TO…HER….STRAPS.” He then slammed the door and the two of them walked away from the house…very loudly.

2:00 PM – When she heard this, the prisoner perked up and dug something she had been hiding out from under her enormous skirt. It was a large key with a big white tag on it that read KEY TO YOUR STRAPS. The young mistress kiralette must have hidden it in the éclair she had brought her for elevenses that day. She quickly used the key to open her straps and slipped out the cell door, but had trouble lowering the steps down from the attic.

2:05 PM – From below, the Baron, having slipped back into the house, carefully pulled the stairs down and ran to hide behind a potted fern. Relieved to have finally jumped on the trapdoor enough to make the stairs drop, the prisoner snuck out of the attic carefully, barely daring to breathe. Along the way, she found a dagger that for some reason had been left on a table that I have never seen in the house before, with a large sign over it that said “TAKE ONE – FREE WEAPONS” on it. She seemed to feel better with it in her hands as she continued to proceed downstairs.

2:15 PM – The prisoner scuttled carefully and silently down the stairs, suddenly rolled through the landing and hurled herself behind the couch in the deserted parlour, popping up for an instance to brutally stab a chintz pillow that was threatening her. Looking around desperately, she noted the windows and crawled hand over hand to them with the knife between her teeth. When she arrived, she pulled herself up the drapery and began pulling at the locked casements.

2:20 PM – The Baroness gently opened the front door from the porch then ran around the side of the house before pretending to be a bird bath. Seeing that the door has been left open, the prisoner blurted out “THE FOOLS!” in triumph and bravely ran outside to freedom.

2:25 PM As she went out the door, the prisoner saw a sign that read BOATS THIS WAY with an arrow pointing left. She followed it and found the steam powered lobster boat that the young mistress had promised her would be waiting. Nearly swooning from fear and exertion, she climbed on board and began chugging off in the direction of Caledon Cay, singing Handel’s Messiah to herself in thanksgiving.

2:35 PM – As the boat receded into the distance, the Baron and Baroness stood on the shore of Jack’s Point, watching it disappear, talking to one another.

BARONESS: How far will she get before the hole opens?

BARON: Nearly to Savage Island. She will be able to swim to shore there easily, even in that ridiculous skirt.

BARONESS: But, my love…Savage Island is filled with man eating cannibals!

BARON: No, no, I moved them all to a lovely bungalow in Carntaigh for the duration. All she will find on the island is a massive supply of RUM, highly flammable and easily enough to light an enormous signal fire which even her NutellaBurgers will be able to see.

BARONESS: What a marvelous idea!

BARON: Isn’t it though? I must remember to patent it.

After that, I had to go clean out the attic so sadly I have no more information. I would like the good wishes of a grateful nation in unmarked twenties please.

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1 Comment

  1. oh my *dissolves in fits of laughter*

    You have honored her well :)


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