Read All About It


The world of literature is a strange, quirky place. Breathing life into a fictional world depends on the intentions and the vision of the author, but perhaps just as much on the imagination and the experiences of the reader. Sometimes, however, the vision of the author can seem at odds, or at least somewhat extraneous to the imaginations of the readers.

That was the feeling that went through many Harry Potter fans when informed by author JK Rowling of Prof. Dumbledore’s vibrant and clandestine homosexual lifestyle. I for one had a true Cartman style “….HUH?” and I am sure I was not the only one. Now, one of my favorite book pundits, Ted Gioia, looks at what other skeletons may be lurking in the closets of great literature.

The following is reposted from Great Books Guide.

“J.K. Rowling Outs Hogwarts’ Headmaster: Tells Audience Albus Dumbledore is Gay” (recent news headline)

Of course, this news brought with it the even more shocking revelation that fictional characters lead lives outside the pages of their books. We can now
wonder what King Lear ate for breakfast, or where Mr. and Mrs. Darcy went on their honeymoon. In fact, we anticipate that Ms. Rowling’s bold move will set off a whole string of literary surprises. We share some of them in imaginary headlines below.

* * * * * * *

“Strike Four: Mighty Casey Implicated in Mudville Steroid Scandal”

“Cervantes Tells All: Quixote – Windmill Fight Fixed!”

“Author Hints at Existence of Two More Mohicans”

“Now It Can Be Told: Lord of the Flies was Reality Show ‘Gone Badly Wrong’”

“’Me Tarzan, You Jane, She Jane’s Best Friend’: Author Reveals
Tarzan’s Torrid Tree-somes”

“Press Conference Bombshell: Two Karamazov Brothers Adopted:
Ivan Not Even Russian”

“Dickens Now Claims Third City in his Tale”

“Orwellian Nightmare: Spouse Claims ‘Big Brother Liked to Watch’”

“Gabriel Garcia Marquez Now Admits: Only Eighty-Seven Years of

“‘The Only Roach in That House Was in the Ash Tray’: Kafka Claims Gregor Samsa Imagined Metamorphosis While High on Banned Substances”

“The Sad Truth About Sherlock Holmes’ Faithful Companion: Watson Not a Real Doctor – Bought Degree from Diploma Mill”

Perhaps my darling readers have some of their own suggestions?
Now playing: The Horrorist – Can you Feel the Sound (GothVille Radio AAC+ [Dark music for people dressed in black])
via FoxyTunes



  1. DNA Tests Reveal – Deckard Was a Replicant, Too!

  2. Long-lost manuscripts from the Tolstoy estate, not included in the original novel, show that Anna Karenina’s suicide was prompted by improper use of antidepressants, and not by guilt.

  3. Quoth the Raven: Animal Cruelty!

  4. Paradise FOUND shopping in local Tesco; Milton remanded for fraud.

    Camille living in Spain. “It was just a bad head cold” claims retired chanteuse.

    Zorba the Turk! Beloved fisherman deported in illegal immigration sting.

    “Western front not quiet at all. Par-tay, Par-tay, Par-tay all the f*ckin’ time. OI!” claims recently translated war-time diary.

    “Good Earth now just Fair Earth, lack of parking cited. Deneb IV now tops.” Intergalactic livability study released.”

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