Paranormal Restraining Orders


Sometimes, the conventional forms of relief just aren’t enough. You have tried prayer, you’ve tried garlic, you’ve been healing chanted and exercised and hopped nekkid over the fire more times then you’ve had hot lunches. An entire cheer leading team of virgin sacrifices have met the knife in the name of your protection from dark forces…and still, you feel vulnerable.

Now at last there is hope , now at last you can seek protections from evil…in the courts. You can get a PARANORMAL RESTRAINING ORDER!

For a mere five dollars (US) plus shipping you can get Restraining Order against such repeat offenders as Satan, God, Zombies, Bigfoot, David Letterman, Death and MORE. Just go HERE to order one today.

Just look at what they have to say about these wonderful things…sadly it doesn’t appear that they have a restraining order again Cthulhu or Dagon, but hey, there are some things even lawyers won’t f*ck with.

Should you get a restraining order?

A restraining order can be a powerful tool to help you keep yourself safe from an abusive paranormal entity, however, it is not your only choice and there are limitations to what a restraining order can do. A restraining order is not right for everyone in every situation and it cannot guarantee your safety.

Making the decision to apply for a restraining order can be very difficult, but it must be your decision. The following lists may help you decide whether a restraining order against a paranormal entity is the right choice for you.

    Reasons to get a restraining order:

  • It may make you feel more confident because you are taking control of the situation
  • It can encourage authorities to help protect you from the paranormal entity
  • To establish an official record of the abuse and activity
  • To allow you to enjoy activities with less threat of harm
    Remember, a restraining order cannot guarantee:

  • your personal safety
  • the paranormal entity won’t still be able to intimidate or scare you
  • the safety and welfare of your family
  • the paranormal entity will be out of your life
  • the paranormal entity won’t destroy property that may be irreplaceable
  • the paranormal entity will seek counseling or other means help

How do you know that you’re in an abusive relationship?

It is important to remember that abuse in relationships often starts out fairly mild and then escalates over time. Even if the abuse does not escalate, it is important to remember that no one has the right to abuse you in any way. If you find yourself in a situation where such behaviors are occurring, this may be a warning signal to you that the entity is, or may become, dangerous to you.

    Signs that you may be in a relationship with an abusive paranormal entity are:

  • You frequently worry about how they will react to things you say or do
  • Your family and friends have warned you about them, or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being
  • You leave and then return to them repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family, and loved ones
  • You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it’s the right thing to do
    You may need protection from an abusive paranormal entity if they:

  • Are jealous or possessive toward you (a primary symptom of abusive relationships)
  • Try to control you, often by being very bossy or demanding
  • Try to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships
  • Pressure you sexually, or demand sexual activities you are not comfortable with
  • Have a history of bad relationships
  • Are violent and/or lose their temper quickly
  • Shame, humiliate, or embarrass you, either privately or around family and friends
  • Claim that you are responsible for their emotional state (a criteria for co-dependency)
  • Blame you when they mistreat you
  • Abuse drugs or alcohol



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