Caledon Disney

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The big news in the tech world today is the acquisition of well known Children’s social/gaming website Penguin Isle by the megalithic Disney Corp for an absurd amount of money.

As could have been predicted, this simple act of corporate robber-barony got me to thinking…what would happen if Disney should happen to buy Caledon?

To my eye, Disney would take our fair Caledon in one of three possible directions….or perhaps all three at once.

THEME PARK

Welcome to Caledonland! Guests would be welcomed to The Steam Kingdom by lovable despot Desmond Dawg who would escort them down Main Street Caledon introducing them to such beloved characters as Ordinal Fox, Kamilliah Lioness and the Ducky Duchesses, Gabrielle Yellowbill and Eva Webfoot.

In addition, major thrill rides in Caledon Land include Steampunk Suicide, in which Ordinal Fox takes you on a balloon ride filled with thrills, chills and lag, Otter Sputnik’s Tardis of Turbulance (licensed from the BBC) and BunnyHaven’s Dungeon of Daffy Dominance, in which young guests can play with rubber cuffs and play floggers as the Baron of BunnyHaven himself teaches them how to laugh maniacally.

Remember, you must be at least <- THIS tall in Caledonland or you will be banned as a nasty ageplayer.

ANIMATED SERIES

Caledon Kids is the story of young Brandi and Bobby, siblings who find a magic Cog and when they hold it and recite a special poem, they are transported to the magical land of Caledon, where they play and learn with all their special Steampunky friends and are taught valuable morals like “Never light someone on fire”, “Airships should only be flown by grownups” and “Always be polite to Aliens”

In addition, young viewers will learn fun songs that teach them about science including “Hydrogen Explodes Real Good”, “Tesla was a Very Shocking Man” and the family favorite “Who Needs Your Stupid Industrial Revolution?”

REALITY SHOW

You never know what is going to happen in The Steam House. 100 steam powered webcams have been scattered around an abandoned turn of the century firehouse as 12 Steampunks live and work together while performing various challenges, including “Fieldstrip a Maxim Gun underwater while water moccasins are hatching in your bikini” and “Make a tractor out of a fossilized Mammoth carcass and 2 tons of copper bric a brac before your shoes explode”.

Each week, viewers get to vote another Steampunk out of the House, as show host Christopher Lloyd tells each weeks loser “Take off your goggles and go back to the mundane”

You will laugh, cry and have an urge to clean your pocketwatch as you watch the Steampunks whine, bicker and take long showers on the way to being the last one in the House and being declared The Master Builder.

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3 Comments

  1. Baron… the title of this post made me twitch, quite disturbed. But … reading your pitches… why, you make it sound like FUN!

    ~{You must be THIS twisted to enter Lady Darkling’s Wild Ride! And yes, you will get wet.}~

  2. I can see it now:

    Duchess Eva Webfoot’s Splash Mountain.

    Come slide down Eva’s slippery slopes into a cool lake where you may swim with her water horse. The ride ends as you scramble up onto the shore to find a dram of whisky (or sasperilla, if you must).

    Those who wish a lesson may pay additional Disney Lindens and recieve a lesson in raving and sandwich making from the Ducky Duchesses themselves.

  3. For no good reason, what’s crossing my mind is…this would result in several familiar (and human!) faces to develop fur, feather and scales, so….what would happen to actual furry sorts?

    Would Disney make them be human?

    *boggles*


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