Sir Harrison Potter, Esq.

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As the double-barreled media onslaught of The Order of the Phoenix film and the release of Deathly Hallows turns my mind helplessly to matters of Hogworts, I find myself thinking about what poor Harry will do upon graduation (assuming he survives his Prom of course)?

Surely since various of his dearest friends will be so much Wizard Goo he will want to spend some quiet time by himself after the climatic events are over. Lodging with his aunt and uncle will of course be out of the question, since if there is any justice in the world they will have been turned into turnips at some point in the last book. Beyond that, going back to live with your family after graduation is such a slacker thing to do.

What if he came to make a home in our own fair Caledon?

After all, we already have a beautiful School of Virtual Wizardry in the Highlands which is sadly underused. Would it be so terrible for him to set up shop there and teach his arts. Sort of like “Welcome Back Potter” but without John Travolta.

Of course, he would need to develop several new spells especially for the unique nature of Caledon. In anticipation of that, and KNOWING he would come to yours truly for guidance, I have already begun preparing a list of Caledonian Magic, as follows:

Teaandsconius: An essential spell for getting on with his new neighbors. A simple wave of his wand and his table is ready for guests, day or night.

Angsta Dramioso: A dark and dreadful spell for Caledonian Role Play. Casting it immediately splits all Caledonians into Red and Blue sides and sets them to arguing about laughable trivialities.

Ravius Caledonica: This spell immediately causes the user to begin dancing in perfect synchronization with everyone around them, regardless of the nature of the music playing.

Reloggio: A pick-me-up spell useful when Caledon seems slow and grey to you.

Parcellica Fullus: Sends any vehicle to a mystical land of torment and mystery called “Lostandfound” and banishes the driver to the dreaded x0y0z0.

Sandwichicus: Using this spell causes any Caledonian of Duchess rank in the vicinity to be suddenly stripped down to her corset. Very valuable for a growing boy like Harry.

Ibegyourpardonus: A very useful spell  for new residents. It causes whatever they are typing to appear on the screen as grammatically complex, floridly polite and devastatingly witty “Caledon-speak”.

Kyutina Plushio: Transforms the caster into a bunny, squirrel or other small animal, who for some reason walks on two legs and wears very posh clothing.

Iemina Stormosa: A spell created by commission for our own dear Guvnah. When besieged by residents over THAT silly land issue or with THIS unreasonable demand, he need simply say “So sorry, Iemina Stormosa” and poof, he is outta there.

Submissions of additional Caledonian spells by my beloved readers are happily welcomed.

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8 Comments

  1. (sounds of giggling)

    I can’t get overexcited about Hairy Pothole. I’ve read the same material years before by better authors. Its the literary equivalent of a popcorn movie, which is no bad thing.

    And I have to agree with Terry Pratchett’s comments on Rowling not realising that she’d written fantasy books: “I would have thought that the wizards, witches, trolls, unicorns, hidden worlds… would have given her a clue?”

    FB

  2. Ballus Magnificus ~ Quite useful for transforming one’s daywear frock or suit into a magnificent ball gown or suit with tails. An alternate spell uses the same incantation but rather different gestures to attain a very different (but pleasing) effect forbidden in PG zones.

    Silencia Stupidio ~ Silences incoherant voicechatters.

    Dramatis Personae ~ Transforms a mild-mannered Caledonian into a raging dramah queen, or a raging dramah queen into a mild-mannered Caledonian. Take care to determine the state of the subject before casting.

    Parcellus Abandonix ~ One of the Unforgiveable Curses of Caledon… rumour has it that this eevil spell will not only force a Caledonian to give up their parcel of land, but to actually (gasp!) simply abandon it, seeking no payment whatsoever. Rumours that this spell was developed by the Guvnah Himself are comPLETEly unfounded.

  3. Tramus Avoidius – Useful for those times when caught off guard while too close to the tracks.

    Telehubia Teleportio – You will appear at a telehub in Caledon no matter which part of the sim you’d actually like to arrive at.

    Lagus Disappearus – Oh…this spell NEVER works.

  4. Ruthius Uglieus – Useful to cast upon mortal enemies, making them wander about totally “ruthed” for the rest of their SL days. This spell had been banned by the Ministry of Magic

  5. Proliferus uniformio – Casting this spell will make the recipient have an unexplained urge to own any and every uniform found in Caledon and the surrounding countryside. Casting this spell with the addition of, “exchangous” will further cause the recipient to change into multiple uniforms while in a single public event.

    Steampunkius machinio – Use this spell while thinking of the machine needed for any given situation, and it will appear at the users side. Caution should be used as these machines will rez in full steam mode – careful: contents may be hot.

    w00tus Caledoniensus – When this incantation is used, those in the nearby vicinity will inexplicably discontinue use of proper Victorian English and genteel manners, and begin to w00t, LOL, ROMFLMAO, :), request pron-house techno of the nearest DJ, and otherwise degenerate into l33t entirely.

  6. Those are all very creative spells! Maybe we’ll see some of them at Friday’s HP celebration?

  7. Good Sir, such a brilliant idea!

    blingtardus nix – though seemingly self explanitory, would “silence” excessive “bling”

    In ventorie organasus – A useful spell for tidying that jungle that are the everyday items

  8. *gigggles* Allow me to add two final spells:

    Graygooinus Magnimus: When cast at your opponent, all the surrounding countriside and inhabitants become an incipherable gray-coloured goo.

    Missingus Imagus: A useful spell to cast at noobs when they presume to wander in Caledon’s faire land wearing any type of obnoxious modern outfit, thereby rendering it into an equally obnoxious white uniform covered with the words “Missing Image”.


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