Supplies and Demands


As we at BardHaven continue to do our patriotic duty as far as keeping the so called Kaiserin, Kendra Bancroft, secure and pliable it seems that a diplomatic storm swirls around her continued detention. Who would have thought it?

In fact, I found the following letter slipped under the door of The House of Three Graces, written on the back of a bar napkin advertising new Uisge Beatha Green Label. I soon discovered it was from the Duchess of Loch Avie, and was very very interesting indeed.

Below I reproduce the somewhat lopsided scrawl in it’s entirety…with my comments.

Understanding that you have not yet heard from Neualtenberg regarding your demands, I would like to discuss a counter-offer to you demands.

By all means. I have been getting a bit distressed about the total silence from our foes. I get the definite impression they may not want my house guest back. Will we soon hear whispers of a new Kaiser, hmmmm? Poor little Kendra. She will look so piquant, tossed naked and bruised on the junk pile of history.

I see no issue with meeting some of the items listed. We can certainly provide you with a fine bread pudding as I am rather handy in the kitchen. As for the sporks, I will be willing to part with two of the sporks of war in my collection, which look quite lovely in my curio cabinet. My wine cellar is fairly extensive, and I do love a good red, so the Zinfandel is also easily obtained. But really…do you want it chilled? Please. Reds are best served just below room temperature.

I and Kira are both thrilled to hear about the bread pudding, but we certainly have our own Sporks. She only asked for them as she was peckish while we were broadcasting and, silly us, we assumed that the Neuprattlingfools would respond immediately so as to get their little friend back. Therefore, we were hoping to dig in on camera, so to speak, to further signal our disdain.

Regarding the wine…I have a fondness for cold fruity wines. Sue me. If you have a few strawberry wine coolers, those will do in a pinch. Fizzy…ooooooo.

The apologies from Kendra and her people will be more difficult, but my diplomatic skills are not without merit. We should be able to achieve this goal in some format.

I should certainly hope SO! Some sort of acknowledgment of their national remorse and grief over what they did to Clive is mandatory. The lack there of is a showstopper. Perhaps a scholarship endowment…or a yearly virgin sacrifice. I am easy about the particulars, just pick up the wireless transmitter and MAKE IT HAPPEN.

In addition, we have heard no word of their Sim being signed over to Governor Shang. I wish this to be done post haste, so I can select the land there to build our summer home before the heat starts. Something on the coast, with nice cross ventilation, I think…and DOUBLE PRIMS…gotta be double prims.

The One Billion Lindens – ah – not sure anyone is willing to pay….I mean, I am not sure that anyone has resources to match your demands. However, (long dramatic pause) I believe that I may be able to provide something that would be of interest to you as an alternative, and am willing to discuss this post-haste.

An alternative…? Well, we are certainly listening, but it better be GOOD.

You may contact me by what method you will, and I will make every effort to meet directly with you to discuss my thoughts. We should be able to determine whether these are acceptable measures to secure the Kaiserin’s release before any further harm should be done to her.

We are quite willing to negotiate with you, Your Grace, either face to face or through continued correspondence. It seems that her countrymen have written the poor thing off, so you are her only hope now.

However, just so that you don’t think she is being mistreated, I even redecorated her cell for her today. I have attached a photo of her new chair….she looks quite fetching strapped into it.


So, you tell me Duchess…IS IT SAFE YET?

For Miss Bancroft’s sake, you had better say yes…and soon.


Baron BardHaven



  1. Silence!???? Silence???????

    Are you not missing your beverages yet?

    Hardly silence as I have been leading forays into Caledon on a nightly basis.

    Also we have learned of your plans to execute the Kaiserin. We are not without friends in Caledon.

  2. OH…Vivi..were those forays you?

    I had just assumed the milkman had returned to drink, again. My bad. Kira and I will prepare a “Hello old friend” gift for you for when next you stop by.

    Remember, that ticking you hear is just your watch.


  3. While the demand for one BILLION lindens seems a bit steep, double prims on the sim to be deeded to our dear Guvnah seems only fair. :)

  4. Odd, very odd. I am suddenly reminded strongly of a recent work of FICTION I picked up during a long railroad trip. Oh well, it will come to me.

    As you may have heard, Bardhaven, the Sausage Eaters paid us a visit last night, and left the offices of the Great and Glorious Leader Shang in some disarray. I assured them that their Kaiserine would be released soonish, more or less intact. So do leave something for them to goggle at, won’t you?

  5. You forgot to include the general emancipation of all Gnomes held in bondage within the borders of NeuAltenberg, except of course those who actually enjoy it.

    And perhaps a cask or two of the Duchess’ whisky for post-hostilities celebrations.

  6. Now listen! The whisky might be negotiable, but really – double prims? and gnome emancipation?

    Baron – do not listen to these other villains. I think they are trying wriggle their way into some of your profits. And my negotiations are only with YOU.

    Will be in touch.

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