THREATS from Foreign Shores


A message from Major Zealot Benmergui, Lord BardHaven, of the Caledonian Expeditionary Forces

My fellow Caledoneans…

The following information was delivered to BardHaven’s Espionage and WarMongering Department last night, while the moon was hidden by some opportunely dramatic clouds. Though thanks to the timely shade I could not make out the face of the messenger, I knew by the devil-may-care slouch of his hat and the steely, resourceful whisper of his trenchcoat that it could be only my primary source concerning the perfidious Mainlanders…an agent I know only by his code name, “Forum”.

The information which he risked his very life and SL Account to bear to me is explosive indeed and I have hastened to share it with my fellow patriots.

First of all, there was a tattered notice, which Forum had clearly ripped down from the poor peasant it had been nailed to, which I reproduce here in it’s entirety…


If THIS is not sufficient warning of the warlike intentions of our Hunnish neighbor, who shall here remain nameless in the interests of discretion but whose initials are “Neualtenburg”, then I have yet MORE disturbing news.

Our agent, Forum, also wrested a letter from one of the Bosch couriers. The missive, which he discovered in the swine’s satchel where it was wrapped around an empty Jagermeister flask and a half eaten Bratwurst is difficult to translate into any civilized tounge, but I have here the exact translation of one key passage which I was able to decode with the help of Forum, 4 bottles of Murphy’s and last week’s Der Spiegel, which reads as follows…

“The decadent, pleasure-loving way of life known throughout Neualtenburg and her servitor colonies is however under threat, and now the Empire of Darkness must cower behind its Death Hussars more than ever. Murmurs from across the sea suggest tea-swilling, toffee-nosed nations may have designs on foiling the evil machinations of Neualtenburg, ‘the ravager of worlds’, and claiming our ill-gotten gains for themselves.”

(to see the untranslated, jingoistic gibberish, you may go to but trust me, it isn’t pretty and may even cause the weak minded to run mad…)

Clearly, there is now no choice for it…for our own survival, and indeed, the survival of the FREE WORLD, we must reluctantly take up arms, and regrettable, with heavy hearts crush these vipers in their nest.






  1. *sigh* Not again..Look, I know it’s considered rude to change the course of History..but are you -sure- you haven’t exhausted all diplomatic options?

    *grabs a shovel and starts digging a fallout shelter*

  2. Um, “Huzzah”?

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